Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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