i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
