Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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