how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We need to get me chipped asap
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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