WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
