Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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