carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
