so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
