Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sorry about my life...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
