Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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