he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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