The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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