i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
