My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize