My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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