How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
