Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
