GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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