Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
