The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
