dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
