I've blown a few things in my day
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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