It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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