I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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