What a fucking waste of an outfit
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
