R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This is classic penis vs brain.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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