Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
