And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
