Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
