a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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