I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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