You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
