I need help removing her.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
