called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
