Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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