Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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