There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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