It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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