oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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