forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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