a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
