if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
