First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
