: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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