Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
