I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
