I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
