North Korea, Best Korea!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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