I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
