shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
50% drunk capacity currently
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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