I cockslap morals
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
