I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
