My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
