So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
