u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
