Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
