Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
