So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
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mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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