there's paper in my vomit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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