last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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