the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
worst night to have a conscience
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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