Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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