paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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