Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
my liver is dry heaving
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
